Title:
This Love
Author:
Hilaria Alexander
Release
Date: Aug 4, 2015
Find on
Goodreads
Running off to
Amsterdam is the best decision Ella ever made in her life. In just a few
months, she’s been able to put her past behind her and has found a
new family and friends. She can almost ignore the voices in her head telling
her this idyllic scenario is temporary.
When Lou Rivers
shows up in Amsterdam, he’s the constant reminder of the life she led
and the mistakes she made. As the two of them embark on an emotional and
musical journey across Europe, Ella will have to face her own insecurities and
make a decision that might break them apart
forever.
“You know
what I was thinking…” he said, lowering his head and
looking down before staring at me again. He was all smiles and furtive looks
today, even more than usual. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking
about his kisses or his hands on me all morning. Every look he gave me just
made it worse. It was so difficult to act normal around
him.
“What
were you
thinking?”
“You
should be my
guide.”
“Your
guide?” I asked,
confused.
“Yeah,
you know. There are so many things I haven’t seen yet and you do know
Amsterdam pretty well. Take me to see all the cool places. Like that coffee
shop we went to the first time we hung out.” I wasn’t that
naïve; I knew what he was trying to do. Taking him around meant spending
more time alone with him. Spending more time alone with him meant falling into
patterns I should have steered clear of. I knew what he was aiming
at.
“You have
been here for weeks, Lou. I’m pretty sure you have seen plenty of
cool places!” I said,
dismissively.
“Yeah,
but not as much as I would like. I kind of got distracted,” he
replied, giving me a hooded look that made my stomach flip. “And I
haven’t gone to the Van Gogh museum
yet.”
“YOU
HAVEN’T?” I asked him, too surprised to be able to contain
the shock in my voice. “What, why?” I babbled for a moment
before I asked, “Why haven’t you gone yet?” my
voice sounding exasperated.
“Well, I
was hoping we could go together…you told me how many times
you’ve been…I thought it’d be fun to go with
someone who knew the place well,” he said
shrugging.
When I saw him this
morning, I blushed a deep red, and he seemed equally bashful. The make out
session that had followed our musical escapade last night was something out of
a dream. After I had gotten upstairs, my phone chimed, and I found a text from
him that just said:
“You
did it.”
I was still
questioning the events of last night, and it was hard not to think about his
fingers in my panties and my hands roaming his body. I also couldn’t
stop thinking about the fact Ally had been right all along with her finger porn
comment. I kept zoning out and staring at his lips and thinking about his
kisses. I had it bad, real bad. I came out of my daydream while he was talking
about windmills.
“I also
heard of this place in the countryside, where you can hang out between the picturesque
windmills of the Netherlands...” he said with the theatrics of an
announcer from a travel commercial. He grinned at me, aware of how ridiculous
his pitch sounded.
“Yeah, I
heard of that place
too...and?”
“Well, I
think you should take me to see the windmills,” he teased in a low
voice, his face just a few inches away from
mine.
“Why does
it sound like something dirty when you say it like that?” I asked,
mimicking the tone of his voice, moving my face closer to his, balancing myself
on the bar with my hands.
“It’s
because you have a dirty mind, Ella,” he replied in a low, teasing
voice, drinking a sip of coffee. I couldn’t take my eyes
off of him and his lips, and the image of the two of us on the floor flashed in
front of my eyes, and I blushed again.
“If you
guys are done flirting all over this counter,” Ally said, popping up
at the other end of the bar, “there’s someone here that
would like to order some food. As long as you two are done, otherwise I am
going to gag!”
We
both turned to her without saying a word. I hadn’t even seen her come
in, which was crazy, considering we weren’t even
busy.
“Why
don’t you guys just do it and get it out of your system?”
she asked as if it was the most normal thing to
say.
Lou chuckled and
looked down, shaking his head at Ally’s forwardness. I rolled my
eyes, sighed and decided against saying something I would regret. But I
wasn’t letting her off
easy.
I held my imaginary
tiny violin and said, “Ally, this tiny violin is playing just for
you.” She gave me the “Friends”
fuck-you salute. Fair
enough.
“What do
you want to order, you brat?” I asked, trying to keep a serious,
annoyed face. She gave me her order—to go—and then I
proceed to take it to Helga in the kitchen. When I got back, she and Lou were
sitting next to each other, deep into conversation. At the same time, the door
opened, and I saw a familiar face peek
in.
“Hendrick,
you’re back!” I threw the towel I was holding on the bar
and ran to him, as he made his way through the tables, smiling.
I launched myself
at him and hugged him tight. He spun me around, laughing.
When he put me
down, I took a better look at his face. He looked great, just as handsome as I
remembered, maybe just a little bit skinnier, which made him look more grown-up.
Besides Ally, Hendrick was one of my closest friends—and former
lover.
“It’s
good to see you again, Ella! I missed you!” he said looking at
me.
“I missed
you too!”
Johan and Helga
joined me in saying hi to him.
“Helga!
Johan! Het is goed om terug te zijn!” he said,
hugging them. They were happy to see him too, and the three of them started
chatting, talking a little too fast for me to grasp anything. I still watched
the whole interaction and took a better look at him. His blonde hair was
shorter in the back and longer in the front, falling on his forehead. His eyes
were just as blue and bright as I
remembered.
Behind me, I could
hear Lou ask Ally, “Who’s
Hendrick?”
Ally replied,
teasing him. “Another one of her paramours. You didn’t
think you were the only one, did
you?”
Jesus, that lady!
Always so damn feisty! Did she really have to say that? There was no need to
make Lou jealous. There was nothing going on between Hendrick and me anymore.
That was just a fling.
I had met Hendrick
when I started working for Helga and Johan. He was one of the few usual
customers that knew more English, and we hit it off right away. He was just a
couple years older than me and was a deejay. Not only did he have a cool job,
but he was also handsome and funny. Pretty soon, he invited me to go see him
deejay at a club and it wasn’t long after that night that we started
sleeping together, occasionally. He had made it clear though he
wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, and at first I didn’t
think I was looking for a relationship either. He also didn’t want to
get involved, because he planned to go to London to study music production for
a master’s degree. At first, it seemed that the attraction between us
was enough—our arrangement suited me just fine—but later on
I realized that even though I liked him, our relationship wasn’t
going to grow or change into anything else, and it made me feel empty. We broke
it off on friendly terms, and I still continued to see him as a friend when
he’d be playing at a club. We kept in touch even now that he lived in
London, but I had no idea he was coming back.
“Are you
here for a visit?” I asked him when he was done talking to
Johan.
“Yes,”
he turned to me and paused for a moment before switching to English. His brow
furrowed, and he said, “I’ll be here for a few days, but
I’m going back to London. My master’s program
isn’t over for another couple of
months.”
Johan asked him
something else, and I resumed whatever I was doing before he walked
in.
When I went back to
the bar, Ally and Lou were still sitting
there.
“Lou is
jealous,” Ally said flatly, without batting an
eye.
“You’re
terrible, you know that?” He rebuffed, trying to look unfazed by her
words. He was blushing though, and I couldn’t deny I was tickled by
the whole thing.
“Hendrick
is just a friend,” I reassured him. “You know, that
wasn’t very nice, Ally.”
“Oh,
relax! Instead, let’s talk about what we’re going to do for
your birthday next week.”
“My
birthday? I have no idea. Doing nothing at all sounds wonderful to me.”
“Nonsense.
These are the years that need to be celebrated. After thirty, you’re
off the hook.”
“Okay,”
I agreed without making a fuss. I knew it was pointless to argue with her. It
was nice she remembered my birthday was coming up, but honestly I
didn’t feel like making a big deal about it. It just made me think of
my parents and our strained relationship. I probably should send them another
postcard soon or make a phone call, just to let them know I was still
alive.
When Ally left, I made
the introductions between Lou and Hendrick. They chatted for a while and then
Hendrick left, saying he had a few errands to run. Lou wasn’t
supposed to meet with Hans Koll today, so he came with me to pick up Lieke at
school, and afterwards we started playing. The number of songs he had was
growing, and he felt like he finally had something to give to the record
company when they’d try to check on
him.
Things between us
had been different since last night. All day he stole kisses from me whenever
we were alone, and I didn’t stop him. In fact, I wanted more. I
wondered why he never asked me to go to his apartment. I should have asked him.
Maybe I should have told him plain and simple that I wanted
him.
It
seemed I could never find the right time to say those words though. My emotions
were betraying me though, because Helga noticed something was
different.
“What’s
going on between you and the boy?” she asked with a sly smile when we
were alone in the kitchen. I tried to dismiss it and cried,
“Niets!” but the blush on my face
betrayed me once again, and when I looked into her eyes, she just smiled and
then proceeded to hug me for a good five
minutes.
“You
deserve to be happy, sweet girl,” she whispered.
“Don’t let your fears make you miss out on something as
beautiful as love.”
My fears. I felt
like I was getting rid of some, since last night’s groundbreaking
turn of events, but when it came to Lou, there was a whole chunk of fears I
couldn’t let go
of.
We
had been making out pretty much all day, but when evening came he was quieter
than usual, and he wasn’t joking around as much. I wondered what was
up with him. Then, before we said goodbye, he told me he had to leave Amsterdam
in about a week.
“A
week?” I asked him.
His eyes were fixed
on mine, and I tried really hard to hide the disappointment on my face, but I
knew I wasn’t doing a good job at
all.
“Josh has
some tech booked for me for the next few weeks. The record company knows, so I
can’t just blow it
off.”
I lowered my head,
unable to look at him. I didn’t want him to leave. I had been afraid
of this moment for weeks, and it was even worse now, because during the last
few days, the bond and the level of t between us had gotten even stronger. It
wasn’t just a sexual attraction I had for him. I loved how he seemed
playful and carefree most of the time, and then he’d surprise me by
being deep and soulful. I loved the way he looked at me when I played; it gave
me confidence and made me believe I was capable of anything. Shit, did I really
just admit to myself I loved him? It didn’t really matter, though,
did it? Because one way or another, I would have to get used to life without
him.
Hilaria
Alexander was born and raised in the south of Italy, where her family
still lives. She attended college at the Istituto Universitario Orientale in
Naples, Italy, and lived one year in Tokyo, Japan, as part of an exchange
student program. She now lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and kids. When
she isn't at work, she is reading, catching up on her favorite TV shows
and making up story-lines in her mind. She loves traveling and is a
self-proclaimed concert addict. This Love is her second romance novel. She
published her first novel, Prude, in January
2015.
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